When someone important to you tries to manipulate you into doing something they want you to do, but you don’t, you may hear, “If you don’t do this, our relationship is over.” Or, if you are working for a boss that expects more from you than what is in your job description, you may hear, “If you don’t accept this extra work, that pay raise might be in question.”
The type of person who manipulates others in such a way tends to see others as objects to be used at will. And, they seem to be somehow detached and indifferent to anything outside their realm of irrational thought. Relationships go well for these individuals as long as everyone has a place and purpose that matches their image of how things should be and not how things really are. Manipulators expect others to fulfill the manipulator’s need for control.
We have all heard people say, “He made me do it.” When someone says this they are abdicating any responsibility for their own behavior. Some people cannot accept responsibility for any thoughtless act they have committed and blaming others or the situation for these events alleviates them from performing any act that would correct the situation. No one can make another person do anything they don’t want to do. However, some people learn they can control others by their demands. “Don’t act that way.”
To find the vulnerabilities of their victims, emotional manipulators like to learn about the weaknesses of others so they can be used against the person at a later date. Manipulators look for people who show co-dependent behaviors.